A Letter to Family and Friends
WHO AM I?
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Hello,
My name is Melissa and I am the Turtleback House Manager and a Certified Peer Support Specialist who lives at the Turtleback home 7 days a week with your loved one. What is a Certified Peer Support Specialist you ask? A CPSS is an individual who uses their lived experience with substance use challenges to support others in their recovery journey. I am here to oversee the day-to-day operations of the home and to support your loved one by drawing on my own experiences to help them navigate their recovery journey.
Like your loved one, I too struggled with substance dependence and some very difficult seasons in life. Also like your loved one, I spent the early part of my recovery in sober living. It wasn’t what I wanted, but it ended up being exactly what I needed and I am ever grateful for what that experience gave me.
WHAT DOES IT TAKE?
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Maintaining a sober lifestyle takes hard work, commitment and the support of a community with common goals. It requires us to wake up every day and decide to do hard things because the hard things will prove to be worth it time and time again. I am proud to tell you that I have been sober now for two years and counting, and If I can do it, I know that your loved one can too. I am excited to encourage them every step of the way.
COMMITMENT AND ACCOUNTABILITY
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Early recovery is the most critical time in your loved one’s journey toward a long term and sustained substance-free lifestyle. During their stay at Turtleback, we ask that they stay committed to their recovery-based activities, demonstrate accountability for their personal and shared spaces within the home and that they follow the rules that we have established. A copy of the house rules and guidelines is attached to this letter for you to review. As the House Manager, there is nothing that I will ask of each resident that I haven’t done myself. I assure you that our rules and guidelines have been established with a mindful purpose. Let me give you an example. You may be wondering “why is making your bed each morning a requirement? Is this really that important?”. Little things like making their bed each day require discipline and create a positive habit in their new routines. Do you know what requires discipline? Making the choice to stay sober each day. Living every day with purpose and choosing to engage in healthy behaviors and routines requires discipline. This is just one example of how the little things eventually help the big, important things take care of themselves.
THE SUPPORT OF FAMILY & FRIENDS
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The impact of substance abuse and addiction is not limited to the individual suffering. More often than not, there is a ripple effect that extends to those that we love the most. While they can’t change what has happened in the past, they do have the opportunity each day to turn from the behaviors of the past, commit to their recovery and to become the best possible version of themselves. In the recovery community we refer to this as a “living amends”. This is the space where we no longer dwell on how we’ve hurt ourselves and others but where we shift our focus and commit to what we can change about our future and how we show up for those who love us. The support of family and friends is invaluable in early recovery. When your loved one feels your support it helps them to confidently embrace their recovery journey and to be proud of what they’re accomplishing. Open dialogue, boundaries and willingness to listen are so very important.
TEAMWORK
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During your loved ones stay here at Turtleback, we ask for your support in helping us to hold them accountable as it pertains to their commitments. In the beginning of any journey it’s natural to feel excited and motivated to embrace change, even when we know those changes will be difficult. We can be so eager for the big changes to happen, but not so much for the small daily changes that are required of us. Doing their part to care for the home, staying committed to attending IOP / recovery based meetings and being mindful of those they share the home with may start to feel redundant when the newness wears off. It’s during these times that we ask you to help support our program and encourage them to remain committed and accountable. Sobriety is a never ending journey and it’s only over time that we can begin to see the fruits of our labor as new habits are developed.
As your loved one moves forward, demonstrating consistency and earning trust with the expectations at Turtleback, they will be eligible for additional privileges such as an extended curfew and one overnight pass per week. It’s important to show them that being consistent and making good choices can be rewarding. This is true for life in general and it’s something that they will experience in every area of life as they move forward. In the workplace, hard work and dedication can often result in a promotion. A commitment to working hard in school often gives students scholarship opportunities and a broader selection of colleges. You get the picture.
While we reward hard work and commitment, there are times where we see that commitment slip and we have to regroup. During these times we may implement a behavior contract and / or pull back on some of those privileges. This is not to “punish” your loved one, but rather to allow us the opportunity to regroup and make sure that they are guided back to a healthy path for their recovery. Your support is invaluable during these times and we are here to answer any questions that you may have.
For any inquiries, please contact:
Melissa Yaxley, CPSS
House Manager
972-302-2905
Kathy Vance, Assistant Director